Laffy Taffy not so Funny

Hot on the heels of BEP's ridiculous porn-pop hit "My Humps" comes D4L's (aka "down for life") song "Laffy Taffy." It's too bad the lyrics are so ridiculous and boiler-plate, because there are aspects of the song that are sort of interesting: namely, the push-button synth blips and space wobbles over a super-minimalist beat. Unfortunately, the vocals ruin everything. They sound cheesy, and boy are the words dumb. Even worse than the lyrics for "Lady Lumps." But I've now heard this song on the local hip-hop station three times in the last two days, so I thought it was worth mentioning. Anyway, here are some of the lyrics:

I'm lookin fa mrs.bubble gum
I'm mr.chik-o-stick
I wanna (dun dun dunt)[oh]
Cuz you so thick
Gurlz call me Jolly Rancher
Cuz i stay so hard
You can suck me for a long time
[oh my god!]
Gurl dis aint no dance flo
Dis a candy sto

Too bad 50 cent already had a song called "Candy Shop" that was popular this summer, or else this might seem novel. And don't forget that silly "tootsee roll" song from the 90's. Who would've ever guessed the 69 boyz would have a lasting influence? Oy.

But of course the candy/ sex metaphor is pretty traditional. And it's interesting to see how brand names are making their way into the lyrics now. Cocoa Puffs, Tootsie Rolls, Laffy Taffty, and Jolly Ranchers -- soon the whole grocery store is going to have x-rated associations. And that's good really, right? I mean, kids better start learning young that a jolly rancher is never just a jolly rancher. [ Doesn't mainstream culture sometimes taste like a big toxic cocktail of repression and transgression. Oooo...the taboo!!! Paging Dr. Freud...]

But this song really sucks (no pun intended). Especially when it shifts from simply pornographic to straight up misogynistic. I guess some things never get old.

Laffy taffy i'm likin dis
Big ol a** you shakin b****
close yo mouth and dont say s***
bend on ova and hit a split
work dat pole and work it well
stacks on deck, yo ankles swell
gurl let me touch ya
iwill neva tell
security gaurd dont scare nobody
damn right i touched dat h**

The sad billionaire said that I shouldn't even dignify these clowns with a post. But this shit is everywhere!!! And it makes money??? I mean, you know me -- I can't resist a diss. So there, D4L. You suck. And that whole look you're going for? Flava Flava already did that. And his music was good.