Saturday, June 04, 2005
offend-o-plex worthy pillow
It has seemed to us for some time that a new category of cultural poison needs to be identified and labelled-- the OFFENDOPLEX. Lives are at stake here, people!
What is the OFFENDOPLEX? This is the cultural artifact that combines streams of hateful signification running backwards and forwards, upwards and down. The truly sublime OFFENDOPLEX combines not only an MC Escher apparatus of untraceable networks delivering shock and disgust, but several distinct and discreet streams of nauseating awfulness.
Now, many of you are undoubtedly getting anxious for some examples. We recently saw a "hilarious" throw pillow intended for affluent dog fanciers. This delightful knicknack boasted the embroidered slogan "Dogs are children in fur coats." So, to unpack:
1) The slaughter of animals for luxury fur garments is made quaint and chuckleworthy by pretending that one's little Lhasa Apso is "wearing" their fur as a coat in the manner of a Palm Beach matron, even though it is their brethren in furry cuteness who are sacrificed to enable the whole fur industry's marketing of ghastly necrophiliac couture; 2) Human children are somehow inferior to the puppies blessed by Mother Nature with stylish stoles and wraps... One imagines that the sales of these pillows (and Louis Vuitton dog carriers and Wolfgang Puck snausages) correlates perfectly with the number of infants living in poverty or without proper health care.
Burrow with me, if you will, into the psyche of the purchaser of this throw pillow, as the punch-line travels from cerebral cortex to funny bone. As the impulse forms to reach for the Platinum card and the imaginative work begins: where to put the pillow? Will it displace the bust of Mussolini? Will it properly offset the cigar humidor and extra-flammable bags of money? Can it be incorporated into the rustic, country style Klan nook?
There is only one name for this ickiness gestalt: OFFENDOPLEX!
So-- the Fluffy Dollars Corporation announces its first contest: Provide us with the best example of an OFFENDOPLEX, and we will honor you as reader of the week!!! Bring the ecch!!!
Posted by the sad billionaire at 3:59 PM