Sunday, June 12, 2005
fresh from the wedding factory
The Bridal Industry is evil evil evil. It's like the diet industry and the beauty industry had a menage a trois with a cupcake and spawned some malicious goo monster that eats soon-to-be-wed women's money and self respect.
It's an industry filled with assumptions and insinuations: this will be the best day of your life, you will wear a "beautiful" white dress (that also makes you look like a poodle and symbolizes your soon to be defrocked virginity), you will be the princess in the fairy tale. And also, your father will give you away, you will have a bachelorette party and suck on penis shaped lollypops and do "blow job" shots, and you will subject your friends to horrific dresses in addition to feeling obligated to cater to your every whim because you've made them "bridesmaids." You will lose twenty pounds because everyone will be scrutinizing you. Start getting manicures at least three months before! plus chemical peels and teeth whitening treatments because those pictures last forever!!! And you know, you're pretty ugly now, so . . .
We know what people do on their wedding day is completely up to them; we're not trying to judge. It's just that, because WE are getting married in a week, we're feeling a little sick of people telling us what to do. We *do not* like people telling us what to do. grrrr!
But even after all our recent exposure to the evil wedding beastie, we were just *not* prepared for WE's show Bridezilla.
This show is an offensive, degrading mess. In fact, it's straight up offendoplex worthy, with promos that cheerily sing "can't talk to her, can't kill her -- she's bridezilla" as a crazed looking bride slices through an ice sculpture with a chain saw. The tag line of the show is "watch real brides go from sweet to certifiable," and on their website there is a picture of a mad-eyed bride in a straight jacket. Another caption says, "engaged, enraged, and about to be committed." Are you catching all these puns? So clever. It's so funny when people are crazy. ha ha ha Funny crazy ladies in their poofy white dresses. What psychos!
The thing is, the whole "bridezilla" stereotype is a product of the wedding industry. It's no wonder brides go crazy when their own wedding planners are saying stuff like, "A lot of couples go into their wedding . . .not even speaking" and "A bride who worked in finance said it perfectly: there is a merger happening here." Ew.
And what's up with WE, the so called "women's entertainment network" making fun of all the crazy ladies? Aren't there some other people who are more worthy of women's scorn? We know the show is meant to be funny, but it just ain't got the chops.
let them eat cake
To promote the show, WE sponsored a zany bridezilla cake dig in times square.
Juxtapose the above scene with this or this or this.
The whole spectacle of high cost weddings totally occludes the ways in which this institution is being used to keep people down. In fact, it provides a false resolution (in an idealized , "fairy tale" landscape) of persisting class and gender inequality.
Anyway, you can take a quiz to test your own bridezilla potential here.
And you can read about the history of marriage here.