Saturday, May 07, 2005

They Want A Baby!

Is it too simplistic to see parallels to the nightmare worldview of George W Bush in every morsel of pop culture ephemera?

Undoubtedly. But this has become more of a problem for us over the past few months.

First, Ashlee Simpson's totally baseless hauteur seemed to absolutely mirror W's White House modus vivendi. When Ashlee went through the lypsynching imbroglio, and then blamed her drummer, and then sent out a lame e-mail about "acid refux," I thought that her MTV show might finally start paying off in an "Eyes of Tammy Faye" sort of way. You know, a peek behind the mediatic curtain, a healthy dose of humiliation and pathos to make us remember how structurally unsound the apparatus of the spectacle society really is. I thought that Ashlee's ordeal might provide a nice allegorical double of George W's entitled, spoiled-brat, compulsively lying regime.

Instead, we got a clip of Ashlee saying over and over again, "I have worked too hard, and too long for this, and if this one little mistake ruins my career, then THAT'S... JUST... SAD." The implication: (SAD for you impudent morons in TV-land) how dare you music fans out there question my God-given right to sing and be on TV and endorse cosmetics, even after I have proven myself to be an incompetent phony!

So on to Brad and Angelina: I know they are probably registered Democrats and probably own Howard Zinn books or whatever, but they are still filthy-rich narcissistic weasel-people. The coverage in In Touch and US has presented a confusing narrative... but we must conclude hastily that the injured party is poor little Jennifer Aniston. With her Greek ethnic background and history playing poor and/or Jewish characters (The Good Girl, Friends) Aniston stands out as the symbolic representative of the downtrodden masses within the structure of the break-up story. Brad and Angelina, with roles fresh in our minds as roman gladiators and tomb raiders, convey nothing but fascist imperial arrogance. Jolie even has the brood of adopted children from assorted nations of the global periphery-- echoes of the White Man's Burden, no?

What makes this all so appalling is that the tabloids have totally taken the side of Brad and Angelina. "THEY WANT A BABY! Why Jen's Crushed By Their Plans." The not-so-subtle message-- laugh at poor Jennifer. She doesn't want a baby! What a psycho!

VH1's "Super Breakups 04" had a whole segment on Brad's pain because he had designed his and Jen's dream-mansion. But, stoically, he was moving on. He was already on to his next house. Brave, brave man.

The secret message-- even though Brad cheated on Jen, hooked up with his co-star, and is immediately making plans for babies, the general public should applaud HIS strength in moving on and keeping a brave face.

Isn't this identical to the way the news media invites us to sympathize with Bush as he tries to bravely ignore the consequences of his rash and impetuous mistakes?

In the words of the wise Canadian proletarian poet Shania Twain:"so you're Brad Pitt... that don't impress me much."

No, Brad. Not much at all.


Andrew said...

When Ashlee Simpson said she'd "worked too hard for this," I wonder if she was referring to that episode where she hikes up to that picturesque vista in the Hollywood Hills and watches as two of the hired musicians in her band write both the lyrics AND the music for her songs?

As for Jennifer Aniston, I think the only thing she got from her relationship with Brad Pitt was a serious pot habit. And I think you're right about Brad and Angelina: they're socially conscious do-gooder personas are simply a thin mask for their shallow interiors. They deserve each other.

porkmuffin said...

i will reserve comment for the Brad/Jen breakup for when i am emotionally prepared for such discussions. that one hit me hard.

but as for Ashlee--i got a weird insider story about Ash. a friend of mine went to a recording session here in austin at a rather famous and fancy studio. the fellas at the studio had worked with Ashlee and reported her to be "really nice and very professional. she came in, smiled a lot, and cut her tracks quickly." they report that she can actually "sing her ass off."
(i'm just quoting--my own opinion differs.)
in other Ashlee news, my roommate is being paid to work in Corpus this weekend at the Ryan Cabrara show. have y'all talked about what a talentless leech that guy is? i can't believe he's making a career out of being a fratbastard spike-haired DMB wannabe hack. his fifteen minutes were up twenty-two minutes ago.