Sunday, November 06, 2005

Annoying Boys of the Week: The Drooling Dunces of Laguna Beach

I hate the boys on MTV's Laguna Beach. Shocker, eh. It's a given really, that most people hate them. When I asked the SB, "if you had to get stuck in an elevator with one of the boys from Laguna Beach, who would you pick?" He simply looked at me in terror and replied flatly, "I cannot answer that question." The only reason ANYBODY watches the show is for the girls. At least a few of them seem to possess more than two brain cells. Plus, the women are way more photogenic and interesting.

But I digress. the boys. I hate them. The two "studs," Stephen and Jason, hardly seem worth fighting over. Especially doltish Jason. What does he do? Play basketball? Grow a beard? Drive around in his dad's fugly car? I just don't get it.

And then there are the other boys -- the ones who aren't really studly enough to be involved in any love triangles but who still hang around and expect things. Like Talan and Dieter. And I hate them the most.

Talan thinks he can sing. He wants to start a music career and sing "about politics." Is he serious? This is a kid who claims he wants to stay in high school forever. Last week we got a little taste of Talan's singing. Wow, it stinks. I was surprised nobody threw rotten veggies at him. He is so smug and entitled and unselfconscious. And he sounded like a crooning, smarmy seagull.

And then there's the perpetually scowling Dieter. First of all, Dieter isn't even one of the principals. He's friends with the other boys, and he used to go out with Jessica, so he shows up. Usually to smirk and mock. He uses lots of hair gel. And he's a meddler. Last week, when Jason and Jessica kissed, Dieter took it upon himself to get the story straight by gathering a huddle of boys (including Jason) and calling Jessica on speaker phone (this from a group of kids who claim to "hate drama"). Anyway, when she answers, he shushs Jason and immediately begins interrogating her: "Why would you kiss Jason when you know he and LC are hooking up?" He smacks his gum and glowers when Jessica denies it, then calls her a bitch and snaps his phone shut. And there you have it my friends -- conflict resolution, Laguna style.

This article further illustrates the ways in which Dieter has insinuated himself into the other cast members' circle of fame. He says stuff like "we've been hanging at clubs with Paris [Hilton]," and"I don't know where I'd be without the show" as if narrating the grand story of his rise into the hallowed hell-halls of Hollywood.* He is so full of shit.

*It seems Dieter does try to do some good stuff. you can find out about his charity work by visiting his myspace.

image source


porkmuffin said...

the main reason i can't watch LB is because of these nutless (pretending to be nutfull) wonders.

Jenny said...

I think Jason is probably way good in bed. The others, I can't explain. They're ugly. And boring. And the fact that Kristen hasn't hooked up with Stephen or Talan since their breakups, I'm guessing neither of them are good in bed. At least Jason has been vouched for.

femme feral said...

the idea of sleeping with scuzzy Jason turns my stomach -- like bathing in a sespool.