Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Getting My Hate On

Wonderful 4th of July at the Fluffy Dollars compound yesterday... rockslinga, in-n-outraged, and some other luminaries stopped by the mansion for foie gras and lobster puffs. As would be expected, sparkling repartee and scandalous badinage flowed like wine! After one half of a Grolsch, the Sad Billionaire began to get his hate on. Grrrr!!! For reasons not entirely clear to me, I have tried to moderate my vituperative outbursts of late. But when talk turned to that staple of cocktail party conversation, the film Sideways, I could no longer control my bile.

Now, I should mention that I have never seen the film Sideways. But just the idea of self-obsessed narcissistic boyos cruising wine-country and learning valuable lessons about life and love makes me want to suicide myself. Another one of these Nick Hornsby-esque "men-will-be-boys" movies while Vin Diesel's Michel Foucault biopic lingers in development limbo?!!!!

hammertime is over

But talk of Sideways had another unexpected and far more sinister effect.... it evoked a supressed memory, from around the time of Sideways's theatrical release, of the satanic Charles Krauthammer on Fox News wrapping up another eloquent brief on the understated beauty of Guantanamo Bay's Camp X-Ray with an uncharacteristic outburst of cinephilia: "and go see Sideways with the ravishing, magnificent, pulchritudinous and exquisitely erotic Virginia Madsen." Anybody or anything that could provoke such a display of unadulterated panting from His Dark Majesty Krauthammer must surely be fucking evil!!! Think about it, people! How utterly gross!

So, I say, in conclusion, I hate Charles Krauthammer and therefore also hate Sideways and everything for which it stands!!!


nhennies said...

"Sideways" BAD!!

your brother said...

In the spirit of your post, let me share with you my utter hatred for some things I have not myself experienced:

-never been to China, but any place that crowded must suck.

-haven't read Infinite Jest...no thanks!

-didn't catch Fat Actress, just as well.

-somehow managed to miss the first 8 Star Trek movies. Must have been busy in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Not sorry about it!

Jenny said...

lol. your brother is funny. i hadn't really thought about my reaction to fat actress--never saw it--but somehow i hate it too.

i didn't really like sideways that much. i have to say. i think it was because everyone loved it so much and was like "it's the greatest thing ever" and in the very same year "eternal sunshine" came out and nobody paid it any attention. it was way more innovative and beautiful than sideways. i didn't think sideways was very original at all. i mean, overall, it was better than freddy vs. jason, but that whole "life is like wine, we all peak and then die" speech was pretty cliched if you ask me. i saw it coming a mile away.

porkmuffin said...

i liked Sideways. sorry dude.

elka said...

Gotsa agree slightly with porkmuffin here. There was a lot about sideways that was lovely, but, the mopey bills is on the scrilla when he compares it to hornby--another boy vehicle for pretty much unscrupulous and unredeemable male characters who still get the hottie while showing very few qualities you would want in a lover or a friend. Painful to watch at times.

julia said...

sideways sucked my left tit hardcore-- don't waste your time on it:)