Friday, August 26, 2005

FLUFFY READS, Digested

We've noticed that we've been real skimpy on the celeb gossip lately. I don't know what it is, but these days all the gossip just seems so tired. It gets out of bed and yawns and stumbles bleary-eyed around the room. Anyway, the new Us Weekly just arrived, all bright and shiny and warm from the mailbox. Here are some of the more caffeinated nibbles for your chops. (Hey, I know that I'm indulging in the taboo mixed metaphor, so you can just shut it, L.T.)

Items of Chewy Curiosity:

1. The cover: How many times has this cover image of Jennifer Anniston has been used since the Brad break-up? They flip it, crop it, and re-use it. Over and over.

2. A "who wore it best?" item that compares Jennifer Love Hewitt to a very preggers Britney. Um, okay.

3. That outrageous book quote from Victoria Beckham. Here it is if you haven't seen it: "I haven't read a book in my life. I haven't got enough time. I prefer to listen to music, although I do love fashion magazines."

4. An *amazing* who wore it best two-page spread featuring the Simpson sisters. One of the compare boxes: "Black Tops, Cropped Jeans & Dog."

5. A picture of Jude Law and Sienna in which JL appears to be wearing clown shoes. He's so not as cool as a clown.
Turn 'em in cheater!!!


6. A piece on Martha Stewart featuring a picture of the domestic diva with a very very fluffy Chow-Chow named Paw-Paw and a bulldog named Francesca.

7. A ridiculous two-page spread asking stars when they lost their virginity. The only one that is vaguely interesting is from Tara Reid: "It was down at my Jersey Shore beach house . . .on the sand. It was disgusting. Four hundred mosquitoes. I had hives everywhere."

8. A piece on Pam Anderson's dogs wedding. Yes -- you read that right. Bow - wow.

Who wants a magazine that's simply devoted to the lifestyles of celebrity pets? I predict that it's just around the corner.

I wish dogs could talk. What do you think they would say about their celeb owners?

3 comments:

Jenny said...

I completely agree with you about the lack of good celebrity gossip these days. There's more than ever out there--but it's just so boring. Maybe I overdosed. We need to find a new angle. Maybe I'll do another "What Up, Bitch" post. About somebody other than Britney or Paris or Lindsey. I'm so sick of Lindsey Lohan's stupid face I could vomit. She could get abducted by aliens tomorrow and I wouldn't read about it. That reminds me....what happened to Claire Danes?

Crystal said...

Remember when J.Lo & Ben were on the cover of every magazine week after week! Well now it's the triangle of Jen, Brad, & Angelina. Definitely getting old by now.

porkmuffin said...

my friend Jen has one of the best celeb gossip blogs:

http://feltupbyjen.blogspot.com/